You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
