How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
as a side note pls kill me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
