and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
