I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She's the barista slut.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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