i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
