based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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