Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
