You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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