Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
