WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
