It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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