I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
