just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
