The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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