i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
