Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
