she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
