Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
are you so shy because you have an std?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
