ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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