Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
