Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
