shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
