omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
