HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
