nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
