I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
