I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
