you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
