So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
