you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
