Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
