You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
