I cannot find my penis.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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