my sisters under your porch take her home
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
