hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
