You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
