he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i've created a new STD.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
