I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
