I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
