Just fell off a train. Bad.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
