shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
