girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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