Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
