My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
