god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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