Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
