Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
