White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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