Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
