I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm experimenting with sincerity
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
