Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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