At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
