I must be too annoying 4 u.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
soo... how was my night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
