I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
